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Hi Reader, it’s Donna. Behind every behaviour is a child trying to tell us something, and my letters help you hear it. Today: bedtime that turns into a battle, and the wakings that come through the night.
Whether your child fights going down or keeps calling out once they do, exhaustion makes it all feel heavier. It helps to know that resisting sleep is rarely just about sleep.
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Resisting sleep is often your child’s body reaching for safety, whether at bedtime or in the middle of the night. |
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WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE
Stalling at bedtime, one more story, one more drink, refusing to lie down or getting straight back up. Then later: calling out, walking out of the room, climbing into your bed, standing up in the cot crying.
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WHAT'S REALLY HAPPENING
Sleep asks a child to be alone, still, and to let go, all at once. As bedtime nears and again in the night, the body feels more vulnerable. Darkness, quietness, and separation make fears feel bigger and closeness feel further away. Whatever the day held may still be moving through them once the lights go out.
- Fighting sleep and waking in the night both come from the same place: a body seeking safety, reassurance, and connection.
- Change, stress, illness, or big transitions often bring more wakings.
- Underneath the calling out is one need: “I don’t feel safe alone, stay close to me.”
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HOW TO RESPOND
Predictability builds safety. A steady, repeated bedtime rhythm teaches the body that letting go is safe, at bedtime and again in the night.
- Create a simple pre-sleep ritual and keep it the same each night: soft light, slow breathing together, a few gentle words.
- When they wake, meet the need for closeness before reaching for new words.
- Repeat one familiar phrase rather than adding new ones. Sameness is what soothes.
- Let the rhythm of your voice, and your steady presence, become the thing that guides them back to rest.
YOU MIGHT SAY:
“You don’t want to sleep, even though you’re so tired.”
“It feels scary in the dark, or when you’re alone.”
“Being with me helps you feel safe.”
“I’m here with you. You are safe.”
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The exhaustion runs deep. Longing for rest while your child fights it or calls out for you is one of the hardest things to hold. Each time you meet them with warmth, at bedtime or at 3am, you teach their body that letting go is safe. You are building the trust that will one day let them settle on their own. |
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NOW FREE, AND NOW ON ANDROID TOO
Get the full sleep guide, and me in your pocket
Cee-it walks you through mealtimes like these with a gentle 7-day plan and the words to say. And with Ask Donna, you can tell me what’s happening with your own child and I’ll help you understand it, your first three questions free.
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| What should I decode next? |
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If you're ready to understand all of this properly, from the ground up, my Interplay Certification is where practitioners and parents go deeper. Learn more here →
See you in a fortnight,
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Donna Rego
Founder, Interplay & Cee-It
Get the Cee-It App:
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Trusted by professionals worldwide: 8,000+ therapists trained, over 1,000,000 families reached, 23+ years of clinical practice.
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