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Hi Reader, it's Donna.
Drop-offs, bedtime, even leaving the room, when your child clings or cries, it can leave you feeling torn and guilty. There is something real going on underneath those tears, and it helps to understand it.
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When a child clings, they are reaching for the one thing that helps them feel safe: you. |
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WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE
Crying, clinging, panic at goodbye. Refusing to let go, following you room to room, tears at drop-off.
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WHAT'S REALLY HAPPENING
Beneath each struggle to say goodbye lies fear. Fear of loss, of the unknown, of you not returning. For some children, the body responds to separation as danger, even when they are completely safe.
- They rely on you to help regulate their nervous system and feel safe in the world.
- This can be stronger in more sensitive children, or during times of change and transition.
- Underneath the clinging is one message: “stay close, I need to know you’ll come back.”
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HOW TO RESPOND
Predictability creates safety. Your steady, present goodbye becomes the thing your child can trust.
- Keep goodbye routines short, warm, and consistent. Use the same sequence each time.
- Before drop-off, steady yourself first, a few slow breaths, softer shoulders.
- Link every goodbye to a reliable reunion, so their body learns that goodbye is never forever.
- Once you leave, stay gone. Returning again and again makes the goodbye longer, not easier.
YOU MIGHT SAY
“It feels so sad when I go. You wish I could stay.”
“I feel sad too. And I promise I’ll be back.”
“It hurts when I leave. We’ll be back together very soon.”
“I leave, and I always come back.”
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Goodbyes get easier as your child learns, again and again, that you always come back. Every warm, consistent goodbye is a small deposit of trust. You are building something, even on the mornings it feels like you are getting it wrong. |
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Get the full separation anxiety guide, and me in your pocket
Cee-it walks you through goodbyes like these with a gentle 7-day plan and the words to say. And with Ask Donna, you can tell me what’s happening with your own child and I’ll help you understand it, your first three questions free.
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| What should I decode next? |
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See you in a fortnight,
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Donna Rego
Founder, Interplay & Cee-It
Get the Cee-It App:
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P.S. Not sure what's going on with your own child right now? Hit reply and tell me. I read every one, and it might become a future episode.
P.P.S. If you're ready to understand all of this properly, from the ground up, my Interplay Certification is where practitioners and parents go deeper. Learn more here →
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