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Hi Reader, it’s Donna. In these letters I take one behaviour you actually see and show you what your child might be telling you underneath it. Today: when a child lashes out.
When your child hits, bites, kicks, scratches, or throws something, it’s easy to believe they’re being naughty, aggressive, or trying to hurt someone. But what if we looked beneath the behaviour?
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Lashing out is your child’s attempt to cope with an experience they don’t yet know how to manage. |
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WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE
Hitting, biting, pushing, scratching, throwing. It looks aggressive, defiant, even deliberate.
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WHAT'S REALLY HAPPENING
Their body became overwhelmed before their thinking brain could catch up. Inside, everything feels too big. Too fast. Too much. Their nervous system has moved into survival.
• In this moment, their body is reacting faster than they can think.
• It’s communication. Are you listening?
• When we only respond to the hitting, we miss the message underneath: “Can someone help me make sense of what I’m feeling?”
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HOW TO RESPOND
Your first job is to create safety and stay connected. Understanding comes before stopping the feeling.
• Calmly keep you both safe, gently blocking the hitting if you need to.
• Move close.
• Use as few words as possible.
• Let your steady nervous system become the place your child can borrow until they feel safe enough to settle.
YOU MIGHT SAY:
“It hurts.”
“I’m here.”
“Your feelings are really big right now.”
“We’ll get through this together. You’re safe.”
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The next time your child lashes out, pause before asking “How do I stop this?” Instead ask yourself: “What might my child be experiencing right now?” Because when we understand the experience, the behaviour begins to make sense. |
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Lashing out is one scenario in the app
Cee-it walks you through moments like this with a gentle 7-day plan, the words to say, and guidance for hundreds of everyday behaviours.
Now free for every parent.
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| What should I decode next? |
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I hope this helped, even a little.
See you in a fortnight,
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Donna Berry
Founder, Interplay & Cee-It
Get the Cee-It App:
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P.S. If you're ready to understand all of this properly, from the ground up, my Interplay Certification is where practitioners and parents go deeper. Learn more here → |
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Trusted by professionals worldwide: 8,000+ therapists trained, over 1,000,000 families reached, 23+ years of clinical practice.
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