13 DAYS AGO • 1 MIN READ

What a tantrum is actually telling you

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What Is This Child Telling Me?

Understanding children, one behaviour at a time

Tantrums, clinginess, defiance, refusal, each one decoded to reveal what a child is really telling you underneath it, with one simple thing to try. For parents, educators, and anyone who cares for children.

WELCOME TO EPISODE ONE

Hi Reader, it's Donna.

This is the first of my fortnightly letters. Each one takes a single behaviour you actually see and shows you what your child is telling you underneath it.

If tantrums are your world right now, this one's for you. And you're not failing.

A meltdown is not manipulation. It’s a nervous system struggling to feel safe.

WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE

Yelling, hitting, throwing, collapsing on the floor. It looks defiant, dramatic, attention-seeking.

WHAT'S REALLY HAPPENING

The feeling got too big for their body to hold, and the survival brain took over. In that moment your child cannot think, reason, or choose calm. They have lost access to the thinking part of the brain.

  • Punishment in this moment does not land. They cannot learn until they feel safe again.
  • The younger or more tired they are, the smaller the window before overwhelm.
  • Underneath the noise is one message: “this feels too much, help me.”

ONE THING TO SAY

Get down to their eye level, lower your voice below theirs, and name the feeling: “You’re so upset. I’m right here.” A child borrows calm from a calm adult before they can find their own.

And on the hard days, remember: you don't have to get it perfect. Showing up calm is enough

Cee-it is now free for every parent.

Tantrums is one of hundreds of scenarios in the app. Cee-it walks you through moments like this with a gentle 7-day plan and the words to say.
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I hope this helped, even a little.

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See you in a fortnight,

Donna Berry

Founder, Interplay & Cee-It

Get the Cee-It App:

P.S. Not sure what's going on with your own child right now? Hit reply and tell me. I read every one, and it might become a future episode.

P.P.S. If you're ready to understand all of this properly, from the ground up, my Interplay Certification is where practitioners and parents go deeper. Learn more here →​

Trusted by professionals worldwide: 8,000+ therapists trained, over 1,000,000 families reached, 23+ years of clinical practice.
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What Is This Child Telling Me?

Understanding children, one behaviour at a time

Tantrums, clinginess, defiance, refusal, each one decoded to reveal what a child is really telling you underneath it, with one simple thing to try. For parents, educators, and anyone who cares for children.